My One Day Story
“That’s your ‘One Day’ story,” my therapist said as she looked across the room at me.
PHOTOGRAPHER: ASHLIE WOODS PHOTOGRAPHY, DALLAS 2015 (taken after months of healing therapy)
“My what?” I asked as I stared at her blankly.
“Your ‘One Day’ story. You know the ‘One day I’m going to paint my room this color.’ ‘One day I’m going to save money to follow my dreams.’ ‘One day I’m going to open my heart and let someone in.’ It’s the story you keep telling yourself that one day you’re going to do. Yet, you keep telling the story rather than actually doing anything to make it come true.”
One Day.
Tears filled my eyes as the words she said began to sink in. It was the beginning of 2015. I had spent months dealing with depression and finally took the step towards receiving help. I found a therapist recommended by my church. She was warm, caring, and direct. It was the first time I had ever been to a therapist.
After a couple of ‘getting to know you’ sessions, conversations began to shift on a deeper level. I was opening up to her slightly more each week. On this particular visit I had just finished sharing about my life as a dreamer.
When I was 7 years old, my parents decided it was time to remodel our house. We were living in an old house that belonged to my great grandparents. My 3 siblings and I shared a loft upstairs above the kitchen. We each had our own twin beds that my dad had crafted for us. He’s always been a craftsman and super creative with his skills. I loved our space. I loved being near my siblings and having a window that overlooked our open yard. Yet, the reality was my oldest sister and brother were getting older, and it was time for us to shift to having our own spaces. It was an exciting process to move the house and expand it. We jacked the house up, moved it over, dug a basement, moved the house back, and added on a second story. We went from a quaint house to what felt like a mansion to a young child. Some of my favorite memories playing are when we were in this transition. We had large dirt piles in our yard from digging the basement that became our playground. We’d make tunnels, play capture the flag, sled down the dirt…it truly was a kid’s dream.
Progress on the house halted not long after the house had been moved. Cement floors had just been poured in the basement. My dad had been working at the top and slipped and fell 10-12 feet onto the concrete slab. He shattered both of his feet, had to have surgeries to repair the damage, and was confined to a wheelchair for the several months after. Contractors continued to work on various parts of the house. When the house was moved back and the top story was added, not much work happened after that. We moved into the basement and this would become our home for the rest of my childhood and teenage years.
My sisters and I were to have our rooms on the top story or “way way upstairs” as we called it. Way way upstairs became my dreamland. I would spend time in my wall-less room and dream. I had two windows—one with a dorm and one on the side of the room. I would sit up in my space and dream of how I was going to decorate my room. I was going to paint the walls a pretty lilac, paint my bed white with floral bedding, and have a white desk built into the dorm for writing. Even from a young age, I knew I wanted to be a writer. As the years passed by, I still dreamed of what my room would look like one day, and held onto the hope that it would one day happen.
One Day it would happen…
That reality never came true. Death of close family members, alcoholism, and financial strains turned the finishing of our house into a “one day” story. I learned to be content sleeping in various corner rooms of the basement and eventually on a couch in the living room area. Even without having walls, I still made my space my own. I made sure to make up my space every day and keep it tidy.
I learned to create order in the midst of chaos. I learned to make whatever space I had available to me as my own. I learned to not get attached to having a room. I learned how to be a nomad. I learned to be a dreamer.
I spent a couple of months working through my ‘One Day’ dreams with my therapist. At the time, my ‘One Day’ dream was to find a different job and travel more. Deep down I wanted to find a partner, yet I didn’t believe at my core that I was meant to be in a relationship, so I kept that ‘One Day’ dream tucked deep within my heart. Eventually I worked through some of these areas and have been surprised and amazed to see them actually come to life. Within 3 years of sitting on the couch in my therapist’s office, I got my own apartment for the first time in my life (even though it was short-lived), quit my corporate job, and become a nomad traveling and modeling in photoshoots all over the world. I even went on to find love—which I never thought would be possible.
One day stories start from having a dream. One day stories create hope that ‘one day’ it could happen. One day stories continue to be some dream in the future until action is taken.
While I have had much healing since that day on my therapist’s couch, I still live inside of my ‘One Day’ story. I still live inside of “One day I’ll write my book. One day I’ll fully accept love into my life. One day I’ll have a thriving business and be free from financial strain.” Ironically, I’m back to living in a room of a house that’s not my own and dream of what it will be like to ‘one day’ have my own place again. I’m still content being a nomad, and forever grateful to my sister and her family for giving me a space to make my own. And they even allowed me to live out my childhood dream and paint the room. Although it’s not lilac, it is a beautiful aqua blue that helped me to fulfill my childhood dream. I have a bed with floral bedding, a window with natural lighting from the sun, and a desk to write.
PHOTO TAKEN BY LESLIE BOREN, URBAN PHOTOGRAPHY
Sometimes our ‘One Day’ stories look different than how we imagined them. Sometimes they’re far from what we dreamed, and sometimes they’re more wonderful than we ever could have imagined.
I’m still a dreamer to this day. I’m a visionary and see big things continuing to happen in my life. I also find myself in a space much like I experienced in 2014/2015. This year I’ve gone through waves of depression. Some days I’m feeling on top of the world while other days I feel like shutting the world out. Today was one of those days. I woke up with a bad headache and gave myself permission to binge-watch Netflix and stay in bed. I finally pulled myself out of bed around 4:00. I had a good cry, turned on Lauren Daigle, made a cup of tea and took a hot bath. The difference with where I am now vs. where I was 5.5 years ago is my ability to own and shift where I am. I’ve learned to embrace the dark spaces because I know the light will come again. I can accept my ‘One Day’ stories when I’m in dream mode and sit with my ‘Everything is Wrong’ filter when I’m feeling in the depths of my own despair.
I also spent an hour in meditation today and time journaling. The card I pulled fits perfectly with where I am and serves as a reminder that “This Too Shall Pass”.
If you have been wondering about your life path or whether you should take action on a project or you need inspiration to really move you out of a slump you have fallen into, then this oracle brings you a message of hope. You will receive your vision. You will be graced with a way out of stagnancy. You will be able to see things differently and more accurately. Any confusion or uncertainty you have felt is going to pass and you will be left with clear insight. The stories you have been feeling, feeding yourself or telling yourself may end up looking different to how they appear now. This may surprise you, but the vision that is coming to you will be more truthful and therefore freeing. It will be worth the shock, surprise or the moment of embarrassment when you realize you have been operating under a false assurance or deluding yourself about the truth of a situation. Those moments will pass and they are not something to feel bad about. They signify that you are leaving behind a smaller view for a more expansive one. They are a sign that you have outgrown your old vision in order to live in a bigger one. This is good! There might be a moment when your ego feels a bit dented, but sure enough that too will pass. - Visions of Life Beyond Death, Sacred Rebels Oracle