My Surrender Experiment: 30 Blogs in 30(ish) Days
What is your mountain?
This is the question that beckoned my attention while I was climbing an actual mountain. Early on the morning of June 30, I woke with the clear knowing that I needed to go on a hike, and not just any hike, one that would challenge me. I followed this urge and headed to Mount Garfield. I had no idea that this hike—this climb—would lead me to writing 30 blogs in 30-ish days. After I climbed the mountain, I knew I needed my own challenge. After I returned from my climb, I walked the labyrinth at Six Eagles Haven and asked the question, “What IS my mountain?”
The answer was clear: Write 30 blogs in 30 days.
Well, it’s been 35 days since I embarked on this journey, so not quite 30 days, but I’ll take it. When you climb a mountain there will be detours and obstacles that get in your way. In the past, I would’ve pushed myself to complete a blog each day no matter what the cost. While I did have many occasions of finishing a blog at 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning, I had other occasions where I tuned in and listened to what my body needed. I surrendered to the process and trusted that the mini breaks in between would allow me to restore and replenish.
This blog challenge was My Surrender Experiment.
On my drive back to Dallas after being in Colorado for a month, I listened to the audiobook, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. This book has been recommended to me by many people over the years. And while in Colorado, I met a woman who shared with me her life changing experience from reading this book. I had read Michael Singer’s book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself a couple of years ago and knew the power of his work. So I knew I was ready for The Surrender Experiment.
Side note: If you’ve never read The Untethered Soul, start here. It truly is life-changing and guides you through detaching the thoughts in your head to discovering inner peace and serenity. It’s wildly powerful.
I spent the first 8 hours of my drive consumed with listening to Michael Singer read about his own Surrender Experiment. In the book, Michael (or Mickey as friends call him) so eloquently shares his life journey of surrender. He began meditation and playing with the idea of surrender in his later 20s. What started as an inquiry for Michael to go inward, shifted to the building of a community and Temple (Temple of the Universe) and the making of a billion dollar medical software company. Michael chose to live a life in full surrender of the Universe. Rather than fighting change or opportunity, he chose to surrender and be the conduit for its purpose.
This book was so profound for me. It caused me to look at my life and notice where I surrender vs. where I hold onto control. The times I do surrender are so fruitful and awe-inspiring. My solo travel journey and photoshoot mission is a beautiful example of surrender. Life flows so effortlessly when I’m in this space. I show up, trust the place to tell me where to go and follow its lead. I always end up meeting the right people, finding the right places to stay, and the most gorgeous outfits to wear (in my photoshoots).
When it comes to other areas of my life, however, I don’t so easily let go of control.
Take this blog challenge for example. I got the hit for this challenge on July 1. It took me 3 weeks to actually lean in and get started. I fought with resistance, procrastination, and the dangerous, “I’ll start tomorrow.” When I finally chose to let go of control and surrender to this challenge, I showed up and wrote the first post. I chose Surrender to be the vehicle to carry me through this challenge. When resistance showed up, I leaned into it and surrendered. When perfectionism would beckon me at each word I wrote, I would surrender and ask for support in allowing flow to come in. When exhaustion hit and I’d try to force myself to keep writing at 2 AM, I would shut my laptop, turn off the light and surrender to sleep. I chose to let go of force and allow the process to unfold naturally.
Every journey begins with a single step.
Today while I was reflecting on the completion of this challenge, I pulled the card ‘Every Journey Starts with a Single Step’ from my Sacred Rebels Oracle deck. The message was the most beautiful compliment to this challenge:
You are on a journey. Yes, it is an internal journey but there is also a physical expression of this journey that is going to become increasingly important to the fulfillment of your destiny in this lifetime. Your journey has started on the inside but its destination will be the physical expression of an internal healing. This journey will draw upon what you have learned and mastered over the course of your life—so much so, that you may feel as though your life experiences have prepared you just for this particular adventure.
You see, this journey is a spiritual gift. It is an invitation from the great loving heart of the universe, calling you into something that you would not have otherwise found. You are not supposed to know all the details, nor how it is going to work out, before you set out. You are just meant to take one step after the other. Again. And again. So that you can receive the gifts that are headed your way.
This oracle brings you particular guidance that the apparently small steps you are taking in an area of your life, important to you right now, are actually far more powerful and constructive than you realize. Sometimes we are gaining ground but the effect is not immediately obvious. This doesn’t mean that nothing is happening. It simply means that the effects of your actions are cumulative and soon they will begin to overflow into the physical world with a positive impact that may surprise you. Your inner and outer journeys are blessed with positive energy and all you need to do is keep going—one step at a time.
the summit at mt. garfield, palisade, colorado july 2020
This Journey, this Challenge, this Surrender Experiment has been the most beautiful spiritual gift I could have received. I had no idea where this blog challenge was going to lead when I started. I trusted that I was being guided to take on this challenge for a reason. As I write my final post in this challenge, I am filled with so much gratitude, awe, and amazement. This blog challenge transformed my life. It caused me to show up for myself in ways I haven’t before—to tune in, trust the words to come, and allow myself to be seen through writing. I let go of old hurts and found deep healing within. I gained so much confidence and appreciation for who I am for myself and the world. I let go of the need to be accepted by others and instead chose to accept myself fully. I gave myself permission to be my most beautiful, authentic self. I found peace, acceptance, and love for myself and my journey.
I am so damn proud of myself for surrendering to this challenge.
What started as a nudge to climb a mountain, led me to identifying my mountain and taking the first step. Now that I’ve reached the top of this mountain, I can see more mountains in the distance. I believe I have it within me to keep climbing. For now though, I’m going to take a break and CELEBRATE THIS MOUNTAIN!
“Of my own free will, I now choose to surrender any fear or doubt about my ability to succeed. I believe in myself. I trust myself. I have faith in the unfolding journeys of my life, both internally and out in the world. Even in the face of the unknown, I know that positive energy surrounds me and I am protected. Through unconditional love, I am supported and assisted to take each step, as needs be, so that my great, creative, life journey can be all that it can be.” — With Gratitude, Sacred Rebel