Resisting Resistance
The other night, I laid in the grass gazing up at April’s Pink Full Moon. I felt a wave of peace and calm come over me. Just a few minutes prior, I had sent a very personal letter off that I had been meditating on (as well as resisting) for several weeks. It felt good to finally be in a place of peace with it. I had finally let go of resistance and trusted Spirit to show me the right time to send my letter.
After an hour or so of moon gazing, I went back inside. I was really tired and ready to call it a night. I looked over and saw one of my oracle decks beckoning my attention. I felt a nudge to pull a card. I had already spent several hours earlier in the day meditating, pulling cards, and journaling.
Why was I being called to pull a card now?
I leaned into the invitation. I picked up my deck and asked the oracle to reveal to me the message my soul most needed to hear at the moment. My ego knew it was going to be a message that symbolized peace or a message about good things coming.
I shuffled my cards and Be the Hunter, Not the Hunted popped out at me.
I read the first line of the oracle message and immediately resisted it. The message read, “Do you feel you are at the beck and call of circumstances, situations, and relationships that are outside of your control? Is your attention being called away from what you love — from your passionate focus upon your own journey and creative self-expression?”
It was not the message my ego was anticipating.
I was annoyed. I tucked the card away and put the book down and crawled into bed. I didn’t sleep too well that night. My mind was racing a bit. I was resisting leaning into the message and exploring what this could be about.
The next morning, things started to click. I sat down with my deck and thought, “This card was about my past…not the future. It makes sense now!” I felt better. I then looked down at my phone and had a message from the person I had written my letter to ask if I wanted to talk. I got on the call and learned some information that I (again) was not anticipating. The message from the card was starting to make more sense.
Later that afternoon, I had a call with my coach. I was talking about my letter and the response I received to it. As we were talking through where I was and what this could all mean for me, I heard her say the word “Manipulating”. I immediately asked her to pause. I pulled out my book at looked up the card’s message again…“You are being asked to see through the assumptions, expectations, tantrums or manipulations that may be put upon you by yourself or others. See-through them to the truth!… You are capable of seeing through the truth, out-smarting old patterns and responding more creatively to craft new and improved relationships.”
I was clear at that moment, the card was meant for the present, not the past. I was reliving old patterns and being reminded to see them through to the truth. Now I’m thankful for the message I pulled. Nothing is wrong. I am learning more about who I am and the patterns in my life that I can explore, shift or release. Had I not leaned into the message, I would’ve been stuck in a place of resistance only to revisit it at another time.
Consider what you resist most is actually what you’re meant to lean into.
I was in a yoga class (what seems like forever ago), and we were being guided into a pose that I absolutely detest. Rather than fighting it (this time), I chose to lean in and explore what the pose feels like in my body and why I resist it so much. I realized that I had an “I can’t” mentality about the pose. Others in the class were doing it “perfectly”, and I can’t do it like them, so I resist trying. The pose also feels uncomfortable and at times painful. After class, I asked the instructor to watch me get into the pose and show me how I could modify it to fit my body. I learned some valuable modifications. My body is different. My pose may not look like others’ and that’s okay.
As soon as I leaned into the resistance, I was able to find a new opening for the support that I was not available for before.
As most of the world is being required or urged to stay inside while in the midst of a global pandemic, resistance is likely to show up even more. When coronavirus first showed up in the U.S. there was a lot of ignorance, disbelief, and resistance around the virus. It’s bad in China and Italy, but we’ll be okay in the U.S. I was having lunch with a client who is an avid world traveler like me. He was set to travel to India in the coming weeks. He told me he was uncertain about going. I sat there and told him, “I’m not worried about traveling. I’m healthy. The flu infects more people.” (my own ignorance and denial). He then proceeded to tell me that he had quarantine kits ready to go. I sat there thinking, “Wow. That seems extreme. He’s so prepared. That is the last thing I’d ever think to do.” Less than 8 days later, Dallas was being asked to shelter in place.
It was during my last public yoga class that I finally felt the brevity of this pandemic. Studios and businesses were beginning to close. My studio was still open. They assured us that they were taking all precautions to ensure the safety of the studio, instructors, and clients. Yet, when I saw more and more people cram into the room, I was clear this was not okay. I was 6 inches away from others, not 6 feet. That was the last public class I’ve been to in a month. Just 3 days after that the studio closed.
I witnessed this happen over and over with business after business. Some got on board early and closed; while others held on by staying open as long as they could. Even businesses were in resistance about closing.
As humans, we don’t like being told ‘No’ or to stay still. We want freedom. We want to come and go as we please. We want life to remain the same. We want to be left alone. It’s not really the telling of ‘No’ that flusters us, it’s the resistance to change.
The more you resist change, the more you are left with little choice but to change.
We can continue to fight it. We can continue to say that we’re the “exception to the rule”. We can continue to say that it doesn’t matter or that it’s not a big deal. We can continue to be in denial or say that we’ll start tomorrow. Eventually, all of our excuses (aka our resistance) will cause us to face the truth of the situation. Truth leads to choice which leads to freedom. We can either lean into the resistance and surrender or continue to fight it and allow it to consume us.
The moment you cross over the pain point of resistance, change begins to happen.
It will feel uncomfortable at first. Yet the more you lean in, the more what you’re doing will become familiar and less uncomfortable. When I finally chose to let go of the resistance around the card message I pulled, I was able to see an opening for insight and growth. When I chose to lean into the yoga pose I resisted so much, I was able to gain confidence and reassurance that it was possible for me to do it. I just needed modifications and practice. The moment I stopped denying the evidence of coronavirus, I was able to accept it and do my part to stay home.
Many are adjusting to life inside and staying in one location. Many who are not used to working remotely are now working from home. Many have their children home while still working a full-time job. Many have lost jobs or have been furloughed. Many are reveling in the space they have to work on creative projects while many others are taking time to slow down and rest.
We are all learning to navigate a new way of living.
With all of this change, emotions are heightened. And it’s likely that emotions are what we’re resisting most. I used to resist crying. I view it as a weakness. I thought that to be strong meant to suck it up and show no emotion. Thankfully, I’ve spent a lot of time uncovering my resistance to emotions and now choose to embrace them.
It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to feel sad and allow yourself to cry. It’s okay to be angry and allow yourself to scream in the shower or car. It’s okay to be mad at what’s happening with the leadership in this country. It’s okay to be annoyed and express why you’re annoyed. It’s okay to be happy and tell others why. It’s okay to be grateful for what you have. It’s okay to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. When we resist emotions, we push them down further only to explode or be revealed later. When we lean in, we can choose to be in a place of acceptance, allow ourselves to feel and express the emotion, and move forward.
Children are great teachers for expressing emotions. They don’t resist emotions. They lean into them, allow them to be known, and then let them go and move on. And as adults, we have the tools to express our emotions in a healthy way that’s conducive for all.
Resistance provides an opportunity for you to explore.
Resistance makes itself known the moment you get inspired by an idea or wish to change something in your life. It shows when changes are thrust upon you that may be outside of your control. In moments of resistance, you have a powerful opportunity to explore why the resistance is showing up and how it could benefit you to move through it. Once you make a choice to move through it, don’t expect it to suddenly get easy. Resistance will fight however it can to keep you safe and where you are. Keep leaning in. You may have a project that you’ve been wanting to work on—whether it be writing, cleaning and organizing a space in your house, starting a side hustle or making a change in your business, having a conversation with someone you know you need to have yet have been resisting…whatever it is, the moment you declare you are going to take action, resistance will sweep in.
In his book The War of Art, Steven Pressfield writes of the first time he decided to start writing. He had always had a dream of being a screenwriter. He moved to New York and was waiting tables for years thinking about writing. Thinking about writing and the act of writing is completely different. One night he finally decided to start. He sat down at his typewriter and began to write. He found himself frustrated and hating all of his ideas. The more frustrated he got with his writing, the more wads of paper piled up in the trash bin. Yet, he forced himself to sit there for 2 hours writing. Once his time was up, he felt an excess of energy. He went into the kitchen and began washing 10 days worth of dishes in the sink. Suddenly he noticed himself whistling. While the work was not perfect, he was happy. He had finally leaned into the resistance, sat down at his typewriter and started writing. That was the start of his writing career.
When you lean into resistance, it may take several tries of starting again and again until you reach a point of flow and/or completion. Keep leaning in. Keep showing up.
Questions to consider when facing Resistance:
Where in your life are you experiencing resistance?
Where do you feel resistance in your body?
What are the benefits of holding on to the resistance?
What is it costing you by not leaning into the resistance?