Do you remember the first time you lied and didn’t tell the truth?

Mine is when I was 7 years old. I was playing way upstairs (what my siblings and I referred to as the unfinished area of our house) in one of the empty rooms. It was a construction zone with tools spread all throughout (aka a playground for children). I remember picking up this triangle chalk tape measure that is used to mark lines on sheet rock for painting. I pulled the chalk line all the way out and couldn’t get it to go back in. Rather than telling my dad what happened, I got scared and hid it somewhere. My dad later asked where his tape measure was, and I lied and said I hadn’t seen it. He later found it broken and it came back around to me (and as you can imagine, I was punished) . From that point on, I decided that I would always be on my best behavior so I wouldn’t have a reason to lie.

As children, we all go through learning what it is to tell the truth and face consequences when we choose not to. It’s an innate fear that we go through as human beings. Something happens and we are afraid to own it. It’s easier to pretend or lie than to tell the truth. Cue the Full House music and Danny telling Michelle that if she had just come forward and said what she did, she wouldn’t have been in trouble.

Telling the truth doesn’t always have to be consequential.

Sometimes telling the truth is you making a choice to state what’s there for you. When is the last time that you got real with yourself or another person?

I have been a people-pleaser most of my life. I hate conflict and have designed a life of little conflict or drama. I’ve had people tell me before how amazed they are that I’ve never had roommate drama. I am very laid back and won’t allow that kind of conflict in my life. And I’ve been very lucky to always live with individuals who fit that same mold.

Being a people-pleaser may keep me safe from conflict with others, however, it can create turmoil within myself. The turmoil is the sacrifice I’ve made in order to put others at ease.

I’ve had many situations in my life where I can look back and see how not telling the truth has impacted me. Rather than coming forward and stating how I felt or what was there for me, I would hold on to resentment, heartache and hurt.

I’ve done this with every failed relationship in my life. Something happens, I get hurt and suppress those feelings rather than coming clean with them. It’s easier to hold on to them internally than to tell the other person how I feel. After all, I want the other person to be at ease while ignoring my own self-worth.

I’ve spent more time suffering over failed relationships or conflict rather than accepting it for what it is or isn’t.

Radical Acceptance = completely and totally accepting something from the depths of your soul, with your heart and your mind. You stop fighting reality. And when you stop fighting, you suffer less. —Psychology Today

This entire year has been a year of healing for me in many areas of my life. I’ve spent a lot of time suffering because of lack of acceptance with people and situations in my life. I finally woke up one day and declared that I would not live a life of suffering anymore.

I recently had a relationship not go how I anticipated. It seemed to take a 360 and abruptly change. I was confused, hurt, and sad. Because of my commitment to not suffering, I chose to come forward and tell the other person exactly what was there for me. I was scared to share my heart and be vulnerable, yet knew that by not telling the truth, I would suffer. And in the end, I found more freedom by sharing myself than if I had held it in. And without sharing, I would never know.

Telling the truth is not always easy, yet it is so powerful.

There is beauty in being raw and vulnerable. And when you put your authentic self forward, it is often received better than you may expect.

Where in your life do you find yourself holding back? Where are you not telling the truth about a situation, person, or experience?

1. Tell the truth, even if it hurts. State what is there for you. Be open and honest and raw.

2. Write it out and send it out to the universe. Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of sharing with the person you need to. If you are unable to tell the truth to another person, write it in a letter. Give it to a friend or unbiased person to read and let it energetically be received.

3. Tell the truth about yourself and where you’ve been. Sometimes telling the truth is declaring something about yourself. Where have you been hiding? What are you afraid to see? Meditate, journal, talk it through with a trusted confidant.

4. Trust that by telling the truth, you will come out stronger. We are often so afraid to tell the truth about ourselves—where we’ve been faking it or hiding; to another person or about a situation. There is fear that by being real, we lose something. There is no defeat when you are open and honest. It still may not go how you wish for it to, yet you will find healing and freedom faster than if you were to hold on to it.

5. Tell the truth for You. There is a saying, “Forgive for yourself, not the other person.” The same goes with telling the truth. When you don’t forgive or tell the truth, you are the one who is left suffering, not the other person. Stop torturing yourself and instead find freedom. Take back your power.

You never know how a situation is going to go, so you might as well be courageous and state what’s there for you. Don’t be attached to outcome, rather be committed to freedom and peace.

My year of Bold Freedom has opened up so much for me. I’ve spent more time healing, having uncomfortable conversations with myself and others, and taking huge leaps of faith. The more I push myself and be truthful, the more I step into my power. I’m still learning, yet the more I do it, the less scary it becomes.

Take a chance and be real. Tell the truth.

Stop hiding or pretending everything is okay. Don’t lie to yourself or others. Trust me, you will come out stronger on the other side.