Everything Is Wrong
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Photo taken by leslie boren, urban photography
What is your filter on life? Do you ever walk around with a certain theme that clouds or filters your view of everything?
For me, I’ve been stuck in the world of “Everything is Wrong.” And by everything, I mean everything. Some days I feel like I can’t do or say anything right. No matter what I do or don’t do, it’s wrong.
Even now, I’m beating myself up for sending a client email that had a grammatical error that I failed to catch.
When you live life with this filter, even the smallest of errors feel like a mountain of failure.
Of course, you wouldn’t likely know this about me, because I hide it and try to maintain a positive appearance online. I also know that whenever I’m stuck in this filter, it won’t last forever. I’ll eventually pull myself through it and step into a frequency that feels slightly better. It’s taken me years of transformative work to have the wherewithal to energetically shift.
For the most part, I am an optimist and view life through rose-colored glasses. At my core, I believe in the highest good of all and believe that everything is working for us and not against us.
When my inner critic kicks in, it can quickly derail me from my core beliefs.
Once I’m derailed, it can last minutes or go on for days, sometimes weeks. I’m like a roller coaster of emotions. One moment I’m up, and the next I’m down and don’t know when the ascension to being centered will happen again. I’m currently on the upswing from a rather lengthy period of “Everything is Wrong”. If I’m being honest with myself, I would estimate this period started back in January.
I started 2020 like many of us: curious and excited for the possibilities this new year (and decade) had in store for us. Now of course, we’re all wishing we could go back to the end of 2019 and start again. I spent the beginning of the year in Africa with my former boyfriend. It was the first time in my life that I was ringing in the New Year with a partner. I’ll save the details for another post...maybe. I was so happy and couldn’t believe this was my life. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy in this way.
Life felt too good to be true.
That statement in itself is often seen through the filter of “Everything is Wrong”. The moment we think that life is too good to be true is the moment we’ve hit our Upper Limit Problem (ULP). I’m currently re-reading the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. In his book, Gay speaks about the Upper Limit Problem and how it shuts us down when we’ve hit our level of success, achievement, or mark of happiness. Our ego feels triggered and alerts us by saying “this isn’t right” and causes us to sabotage ourselves, others, and what we’ve gained. Our ego wants to keep us safe and bring us back down to our comfort zone which for many of us is viewing life as negative or “wrong”.
“The biggest and most widely-shared fear is that many of us feel there is something fundamentally wrong with us.”
Rewind back to when I hit my Upper Limit Problem in my relationship. I was traveling in exotic places with a man I loved, happy and living as if life was too good to be true. After I returned to the states, my ULP began to kick in and send off alarms. I began to believe that life was too good to be true. I’m not capable of finding someone who loves me and that I love back. Others get their fairy tale, but not me. I’m not supposed to be this happy. So I retreated into my hole and sabotaged my relationship by ending it. I knew the moment I ended it that I had made a mistake, but this time it was too late to undo what I had done. Sabotage won this round.
Shortly after my breakup, Coronavirus spread globally and things began shutting down. While on an intuitive level I believe that this pandemic is causing us to consciously wake up, my internal world began seeing life through the filter of “Everything is Wrong.” I kicked myself into full survival mode and began to retreat into my cocoon. I closed myself off from friends and found myself extremely triggered on social media. I found myself in a negative spiral which soon led to me having an emotional breakdown.
I viewed everything in my life and in the outer world as wrong.
My friends aren’t talking to me, because I did something wrong.
My business isn’t making money because no one really wants my services.
My family doesn’t approve of me or how I live my life.
Everyone is out to get me. I can’t do anything right.
I’ll never find love again.
At the core of “Everything is Wrong” is judgment and limiting beliefs. We judge our experiences, other people, what’s happening around us, and so on. We create false beliefs about ourselves and others that hold us back from achieving what we want.
What if there was no right or wrong?
The opposite of wrong is right. So naturally when we view life as “Everything is Wrong”, we’re really saying that nothing is right. Yet, what if neither right nor wrong existed? While I do understand the Upper Limit Problem and how it blocks us from achieving what we’re meant to achieve, what if each lesson, failure, setback…was happening for us to teach us?
“Any big change in our lives must begin with a sincere, heartfelt commitment. ”
Gay Hendricks goes on to say that the key to overcoming our ULP, is to make specific commitments that expand the amount of abundance, creativity and love in our lives. Once we make the key commitments, the process of change becomes much smoother and easier.
In other words, once we recognize and identify what our Upper Limit Problem is, change can happen. The more we call it out, the more we can take steps to overcoming it so that it’s left behind. While this period of “Everything Is Wrong” has lasted longer than I’d like, I am grateful for the tools and awareness that I have to take steps towards shifting it. In the past, I’ve experienced long periods of depression with little hope for coming out of it. Now, I can catch myself early on when I’m stuck viewing life from this filter. This morning, for example, when I experienced upset for sending a client email with a typo, I allowed myself to acknowledge the upset, sit with the discomfort, and create a new interpretation or filter.
One of my favorite tools for shifting my filter from “Everything is Wrong”is Gabby Bernstein’s Choose Again Method from her book Super Attractor. This method causes me to give voice to my thoughts and create new thoughts that feel slightly better.
Step 1: Notice the thought. Anytime you’re stuck in negativity or fear, take a step back by consciously noticing that your thoughts and energy are out of alignment with joy. Ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?”
Step 2: Forgive the thought. Forgive yourself for being misaligned and celebrate your desire to shift. Thank your negative feelings and thoughts for showing you what you don’t want and revealing what you do. Say this prayer: “Thank you for revealing to me what I don’t want so that I can clarify what I do want.”
Step 3: Choose again. Answer this question, “What is the best-feeling thought I can find right now?” Then ask the Universe to guide you toward that thought.
Step 4: Continue to practice the Choose Again Method all day. Know that you are human and that it takes time to build new muscles.
When I use this method, I’m able to shift “Everything is Wrong” to something that feels better like “Everything is Working for Me” or “I surrender to the flow.”
It takes practice and keen awareness to catch yourself the moment you hit your Upper Limit Problem. The key is to notice it, and shift the energy to one that feels better. As I stated earlier, one of my core beliefs is that everything is working for us rather than against us. So while I may have been stuck in a filter that skewed my view of life for a period of time, I ultimately know that it’s working for me. It’s teaching me to find gratitude, celebrate wins, and enjoy life. And it’s reminding me that it’s okay to be happy and receive love.