No One Deserves to Disappear

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No one deserves to be forgotten.
No one deserves to fade away.
No one should come and go.
And have no one know s/he was ever even here.
No one deserves to disappear.

At the beginning of summer, I took a road trip from Dallas to Colorado. I queued up various audiobooks, podcasts, and music to listen to. I got on a Musical kick and listened to some of my favorites (Hamilton, Wicked, Waitress) and some others I hadn’t listened to in full. In the midst of my shuffle, the song “You Will Be Found” came on from the musical Dear Evan Hansen. I had never listened to the soundtrack before and wasn’t familiar with the story. I queued it up and immediately was hooked. I listened to the soundtrack and got a sense of the storyline.

Dear Evan Hansen tells the story of a young man with social anxiety disorder who so yearns to make a connection with his peers that he fabricates a relationship with a deceased student (Connor) to become closer to the boy's family. After Connor commits suicide, shy Evan Hansen finds himself at the center of the tragedy and turmoil. [Source: Stageagent]

The musical is full of emotion and hard truths about being in the shadows and not feeling seen.

There are two songs in particular that struck a chord with me: “Disappear” and “You Will Be Found”. It was a particular time in my journey where I was feeling extremely emotional and lost. I was dealing with my own grief from losing my cousin to cancer, recovering from a breakup, and shedding layers of myself that I’ve been holding onto. I was also processing all of the turmoil happening in this country (and the world) with the pandemic, upcoming election, protests, and heightened discussions of systemic racism after the news that three more Black lives were tragically taken—Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd.

The combination of all of this caused my nervous system to go into overload and an emotional breakdown to ensue. I allowed myself to come undone and feel. I chose to go inward and take a break from social media. I needed to take time for my own reflection on white privilege and racism without the influence of the social media world. I also wanted to take time to have conversations with people in my life about racism and white privilege, and understand how they view it from their lens. I started having Authentic Conversations with People of Color to allow their voices to be heard. I also had the opportunity to hear Black women vulnerably share their hearts and fears while attending various workshops and open forums about dismantling racism.

It’s been a time to listen to understand rather than listen to respond.

I was recently struck by the sharing of a Black woman. She mentioned how she lives in constant fear over her husband or sons being out; the fear that they could be the next Ahmaud Arbery (who was innocently shot by white men while out jogging). I listened as she shared her fears, which are of legitimate concern. She looked at the group of white women and said, “You can’t imagine what it’s like to carry this constant weight.” After she finished sharing, I thanked her and validated her fears. I told her, “No, I can’t imagine what it’s like. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live in a world where your voice and your family’s voice don’t matter. I am so sorry that you experience this on a regular basis.”

I believe at the core of being human, we all want to be seen and heard.

It’s scary to be vulnerable and share your fears, concerns, and heart with other people—especially people who don’t have the same skin color as you. And not everyone has earned the right to hear your story. This is why it’s so important to create safe environments where authentic conversations can be had; to create a space where others trust that you are truly listening to what they have to say, and to create a space where the person sharing feels they matter and are fully seen.

No one deserves to disappear.

When I returned from Colorado, I was listening to Dear Evan Hansen again and was struck with a new interpretation of the song ‘Disappear’. In the song, Connor (the character who takes his life) is singing about keeping his memory alive and not allowing his name to disappear. The lyrics stuck with me and made me think of Breonna Taylor whose life was tragically taken in the comfort of her own home.

Breonna was shot more than 8 times by police officers Jon Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove — none of whom have been charged for her murder. They went to the wrong apartment and took another innocent Black woman’s life.

#SayHerName

“If you can somehow keep them thinking of me,
And make me more than an abandoned memory.
That means we matter too.
It means someone will see that you are there.”

— Disappear, Dear Evan Hansen

The August edition of O Magazine features Breonna Taylor on the cover. This is the first time in the history of O Magazine that Oprah has not graced its cover. Oprah gave up the cover to shine the spotlight on Breonna Taylor to share her story and raise awareness for others to #SayHerName. Vanity Fair is also following suit and featuring an edition by author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates to ensure that Breonna’s story does not disappear—and that justice is served.

WATCH: A Vigil in Memory of Black Women and Girls Killed by the Police.

The #SayHerName campaign launched in December 2014 by the African American Policy Forum (AAPF) and Center for Intersectionality and Social Policy Studies (CISPS), the #SayHerName campaign brings awareness to the often invisible names and stories of Black women and girls who have been victimized by racist police violence and provides support to their families. [source: AAPF]

The #SayHerName campaign is an incredible organization and cause to ensure that the names of the Black women who have died at the hands of police don’t disappear. It’s a space for Mothers who have lost their Daughters to lean on and support each other and let them know that they are not alone. It’s a safe space for these women to connect with one another to be seen and heard in a way that others simply can’t for them. And it’s a space for the names and stories of those women who were killed to be remembered and not become an abandoned memory.

No one deserves to be forgotten.
No one deserves to fade away.
No one should come and go.
And have no one know s/he was ever even here.
No one deserves to disappear.

When I was researching information for this blog, I noticed that the producers of Dear Evan Hansen had put out a statement about their stand against Racial Injustice in the world and in the Broadway sector as well as donated $100,000 to the Broadway Advocacy Coalition and Colors of Change. I could see that I was not alone in connecting the essence of these songs to Black Lives Matter.

Songs have a powerful way of connecting us to things that matter. While my love for musicals and music is great, it’s the words within the heartbeat of the song that connects me to the bigger picture. Even though this musical is about something completely unrelated to Breonna Taylor, #SayHerName, and Black Lives Matter, it caused me to connect its essence to these causes.

As we continue to navigate conversations and take inspired, radical actions around dismantling racism, I invite you to find your voice. For some of you, that may be going out on the front lines and being among the protests or providing resources for those fighting; some of you may be having difficult conversations with family and friends about racism and white privilege; some of you are providing safe spaces for men and women of color to be seen and heard; some of you are doing your own internal work to presence yourself to your own white privilege and race story; and some of you are using your voice as a writer to share wisdom, knowledge, and insight. There is no one size fits all. What matters is we each find our voice and use it for good.

“We have to decide it’s our problem not someone else’s problem. We have to take action and not just surface action to look good. Take action that creates and empowers change. ”
— Rachel Rodgers

If you’re interested in holding a safe space for the women in your life to be seen, heard, and held, host a Girl’s Night Inward. These virtual gatherings are a beautiful way to hold space for other women in the comfort of your own homes. Reach out to see how a Girl’s Night Inward can create a space for all to share their voice and receive messages of inspiration and hope.