The Evolution of Self-Talk
/Have you ever stopped to listen to what the voices in your head are saying to you? When you mess up or make a mistake, what is the voice in your head telling you? Is it one of encouragement and kindness or one of ridicule and disgrace?
When I mess up or make a mistake, I am prone to listen to the critical, degrading voice in my head that tells me I’m stupid, ridiculous, careless…fill in the blank. If you had asked me which voice I listen to though, I would likely sugarcoat it and tell you, “Well, I hear the mean voice, but I don’t give much attention to it.” That’s a cute response that is completely untrue.
How do I know for sure? For one, I’ve had friends and coaches call me out on negative remarks I make about myself. And two, I have evidence.
A few weeks ago I woke up and declared, “I’m going to climb a mountain today!” I had been feeling rather depressed and had recently experienced an emotional breakdown. When I’m feeling low, the best way for me to pick myself up is to take on a physical challenge. There’s nothing like a physical challenge to remind me of my strength and power.
I put on my trail-running shoes, packed a lunch bag, and jumped in the car. I was feeling excited and anxious. I hadn’t climbed a mountain in a year. My yoga practice had paused when my studio temporarily closed during Stay at Home orders. Walking 3-5 miles a day was the only consistent physical activity I had been getting. My determination was going to fuel me.
If you’re just getting to know me, I’m someone who doesn’t follows rules or maps very well. I march to the beat of my own drum and follow my own path.
My day started by me trusting Google to take me to Mt. Garfield. I just typed in Mt. Garfield and expected Google to find the way. I didn’t think to put in the location for the trailhead. Google naturally took me on this long, out of the way path that parked me on the other side of the entrance gate. I brushed it off and hopped the fence to where I saw a couple of cars.
How you do one thing is how you do everything…
Yep, i thought this was the trail…
Whenever I’m going on a hike or a walk, I set an intention and ask for guidance. I asked to be protected and open to the messages I was meant to hear and the lessons I was meant to learn. The trailhead was not clearly marked. I saw a signpost at the beginning that talked about the significance of Mt. Garfield and how there were various trails to take. There was no map.
I set off and saw several dirt footpaths. I opened the Trails map on my phone and could see a couple of trails. Where I walked was close-ish to the dot on the map, so I figured that was the start of the trail. I walked the narrow dirt path that led me to the base of the mountain. I looked up and could see a lot of boulders. Many people had described the trail as a steep incline. “This looks like a steep incline,” I thought. So I proceeded to climb upward.
As I was hiking my legs up and over large boulders and pulling myself up with the strength of my upper body, the voices in my head launched into dialogue:
“This doesn’t seem like a trail. This seems like rock-climbing…”
“Pssh…nonsense. This is going up. You’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure? These rocks don’t seem trustworthy.”
“Come on, you’re a badass. Even if it’s not “the” trail, you’re still going up. You’ll be fine.”
“Umm…If I try to climb over this boulder, I will likely slip and fall to my death.”
“Okay…maybe you’re right. Probably best to climb down.”
Since I asked for protection at the beginning of my journey, I trusted that I was not actually going to fall. I had also reached a point where it really wasn’t in my best interest to continue on this “path”. I paused when I realized it likely wasn’t the trail, pulled out my phone and recorded a video commentary of my experience.
I climbed down and looked up at where I had been. It was clear that I was not on any sort of trail. I had literally tried to scale the side of a mountain.
“Ridiculous. You’re just ridiculous, Robin.”
I pulled out my phone and looked at the trail map again. This time, I paused and asked for guidance on finding the trailhead. I looked up and there it was. A simple, unmarked wooden post in front of this dirt path leading up a steep incline on the mountain. I thanked Spirit for leading me to the actual trail.
Note to self: When you’re asking for guidance, ask specific questions.
The incline up the mountain was steep. It was very challenging on many levels—loose gravel and dirt, narrow path, nothing to grab onto if I were to fall, desert terrain with no covering. After I made it to the top of the first challenging incline, I felt empowered.
“This is just a reminder that I can do hard things. I can climb mountains. No one is going to break me. I am strong. I am capable.”
Those were the words I documented when I reached my first milestone. My mindset had shifted from one of beating myself up to one of triumph.
When I completed my hike, I had completely forgotten that I had recorded the pep talks I was giving to myself. It wasn’t until I got back to the retreat center and began to share with everyone else my experiences that I noticed the videos. I played them back to myself and thought, “Wow. You sure do speak highly of yourself when things are not going your way.” There was no escaping the evidence. I was hearing it loud and clear. My first inkling was to delete the videos. Why keep them? Luckily my coach was standing there and invited me to share them.
The critical voice in our head is not going to go away.
I share them now as evidence of the ways the voices in our heads can beat us up and knock us down. This is part of our culture and how we’ve been conditioned. Life is meant to be hard, after all. It’s natural to beat yourself up or say unkind and degrading things to yourself. The question is, “What are you going to do with those messages?” When you notice the negative, hurtful voices in your head, you have two choices: You can listen to them and believe what they’re saying. Or, you can tell them to ‘F’ off and mind their own business.
The more power you have over your critical inner voice (gremlin, beast, noise), the less impact it will have on your actions and overall well-being.
Give attention to the voice that empowers and encourages you to move forward. And when you find yourself going off the trail and scaling the side of a mountain, Stop. Ask for guidance and redirect your focus. It’s okay to start again and find a new way.