Stepping into my Power
/
Photo taken by FDFotofer
Being the youngest child of 4, it's no surprise that I like being the center of attention. When you have 3 older siblings, you're always vying for attention. And what's ironic is that while I like attention, I don't actually like when people get too close and see me for who I really am. So I like attention but from a distance.
This has carried with me throughout my life. I was involved in Forensics (speech, acting, and debating), Theatre, and Choir when I was in high school. I loved being on stage and speaking to large crowds. I always get a high when I'm on stage, yet the moment I step off and people seek me out, I get self-conscious and find myself wanting to retreat and hideaway. And the same has been with me and dating. I've avoided dating and relationships most of my life. I used to say that my motto was "You can look, but you can't touch." I don't mind the attention, but the moment someone tries to get too close, I shy away.
It's taken me a lifetime to step into who I am and own it--all of the good, bad, and ugly.
And I'm still learning and have so much growing to do here. Starting my solo nomadic journey has played a big role in me stepping into my power. When traveling by yourself to foreign places, you have no choice but to step into a bigger and bolder self. Solo travel has opened up so much for me. And has helped me to continue walking in my 2018 intention of Bold Freedom. Walking this path is not easy. In fact, I've found more heartache and setbacks in doing so.
Yet, with each setback or hard lesson comes beautiful new growth.
At the end of June, I returned from Thailand to attend World Domination Summit (WDS). I've wanted to attend this event for a couple years and always seem to be out of the country. This time around, I committed myself to go. I am a woman of my word, so I booked a ticket from Bangkok and made the long haul journey to Portland, Oregon. Prior to coming, I created a mantra for this event-- "My presence lights up the room and people attract to me." I was pretty terrified of this mantra. I knew it would force me to step into a greater power. I held on to this intention and found people attracting to me. For the first time (at least from what I can remember), people were wanting to know me and were lining up to talk to me after events. There was no shying away.
On the final evening, there was a closing party with the theme "garden botanical". Fun right? While in Thailand, I was at the Sunday night market and found these insane bling-filled floral sunglasses. They were the perfect statement piece for my mantra of lighting up the room. I bought the glasses and borrowed an amazing floral dress from some dear friends. I showed up and owned my power in this outfit. I felt alive and proud of owning this statement.
Photo taken by FDFotofer
After returning from WDS, I spent some time in the states and then headed to Mexico for the next chapter of my nomadic journey. I landed on going to San Miguel de Allende, a small vibrant city filled with much charm, color, and culture about 4 hours from Mexico City. When I saw the pictures of San Miguel, I knew it would be the perfect place to have my next photoshoot. I found a local photographer and a beautiful red lace romper. I wanted to continue to step into my power while also supporting local artisans in Mexico. I did feel a bit self-conscious wearing so much makeup and showing off so much of my legs--there was no way I would not be seen in this outfit.
I pushed through the fear and powerfully owned it.
I now have these beautiful, powerful photos and feel as if I'm looking at another person. And that's how I feel about so much of this journey. I have to stop sometimes and get really present to the fact that I am living my dream. It's a beautiful and humbling realization.